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Jokes from the stage

TwangTwang New

Anyone got any good one-liners they heard from musicians at gigs. I’ll start the ball rolling. These are pretty old but funny when I first heard them.

We’ve had quite a lot of requests from the audience during the break......but we decided to stay anyway.

I wrote this next song for my mother....dunno why I bothered she still can’t play it.

I walked up to the late great Eric Roche at the end of a gig many years ago and told him I thought his playing was amazing. He leaned in close and, with a twinkle in his eye, whispered....Ha! fooled you too!

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Comments

  • Posts: 139

    Even introducing the band:

    On lead guitar, the lead guitarist.

    On rhythm guitar, the rhythm guitarist.

    On bass, the bassist. Etc


    Or you can introduce everyone except the last person.

    And in drums, the drummer.

    Twang
  • MikeKMikeK Asheville, NCNew Altamira M-10, Altamira M-01D, Epiphone Joe Pass
    Posts: 129

    What's the best way to get a guitar player to turn down?

    Put some sheet music in front of him.

    Twang
  • Lango-DjangoLango-Django Niagara-On-The-Lake, ONModerator
    Posts: 1,647

    “I’d like to introduce the guys in the band... Buco! this is Billy! Billy! this is Buco...”

    “Any requests? Just write them on the back of a twenty dollar bill and send them up!”

    ”George Gershwin wrote the next song... George was a great composer, but now he is decomposing!”

    (after playing one song) “Okay! We’re going on our break now!”

    ”Anybody who feels like clapping along, please, don’t! We have enough trouble keeping the rhythm!”

    (birthday in the audience) “Happy birthday! Today is your birthday! Tomorrow will be your afterbirth day!”

    BucobillyshakesTwang
    Paul Cezanne: "I could paint for a thousand years without stopping and I would still feel as though I knew nothing."

    Edgar Degas: "Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things.... To draw, you must close your eyes and sing."

    Georges Braque: "In art there is only one thing that counts: the bit that can’t be explained."
  • Bill Da Costa WilliamsBill Da Costa Williams Barreiro, Portugal✭✭✭ Mateos
    Posts: 393

    This is a song I learnt at my mother' knee ... or some other low joint.

    TwangAndyW
  • BonesBones Moderator
    Posts: 3,097

    How can you tell if the stage isn't level?

    The banjo player only drools out of one side of his mouth.

    Twang
  • dboxdbox New
    Posts: 9

    We'll now play the song that folks usally request the most: The last one.

    Bill Da Costa WilliamsTwang
  • stuologystuology New
    edited November 2020 Posts: 111

    This is my stock line when we have someone depping -


    ‘X couldn’t make it tonight - so I asked a very talented player, one of the best players on the scene, to join us as a special guest .... but he wasn’t available either so here’s - etc

    Twang
  • Lango-DjangoLango-Django Niagara-On-The-Lake, ONModerator
    Posts: 1,647
    Paul Cezanne: "I could paint for a thousand years without stopping and I would still feel as though I knew nothing."

    Edgar Degas: "Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things.... To draw, you must close your eyes and sing."

    Georges Braque: "In art there is only one thing that counts: the bit that can’t be explained."
  • PhilPhil Portland, ORModerator Anastasio
    edited November 2020 Posts: 667

    A few years ago, busking on a beautiful Summer afternoon, a beautiful member of the opposite sex strolled past, scantily clad...when the song ended we looked at each other to confirm we'd all seen that, only for our violinist to retort: "Yes, I was a beat off!"😎

    BucoTwang
  • ChristopheCaringtonChristopheCarington San Francisco, CA USANew Stringphonic Favino, Altamira Chorus
    Posts: 100

    ...and the last member of our band, the tip jar! His name is Phillip.


    Also, I've always wanted to do this bit by Gonzalo Bergara: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4Dum3T8UNw

    TwangdboxbillyshakesBucoBill Da Costa Williams
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